My daughter died over a year ago. From the very moment that I heard of her death, a great sense of calm and peace came over me. I don't know how, but I had even known a week before that she was going to die. She had been on a trip, and a week later on coming home, she died instantly after the car she was riding in went off the road and crashed into a tree.

Now I never thought of people growing in heaven until some time had passed after her death, and my prayers and encounters with her and God became a common part of my life. My faith has deepened like never before. You see, my daughter was only 17 when she died. Even though I had a sense of peace about her death, I still worried about her and prayed for her a lot right after she died. I can only think that it was the motherly instinct of worry inside me. But to calm me, she visited me in my dreams, and then later I visited her in my prayers.

Over the course of this past year, I have actually watched her mature! At least for the sake of understanding, I believe that she is now somewhere around the age of 25. At first, in my encounters with her, I saw her much like the daughter she was here on earth—full of youthful spunk and attitude. But then, as time went on, she seemed to begin to mature. I sensed somehow that it was the acceptance of her new state of being that seemed to calm her. And she was no longer considered a "new" spirit in heaven. She was quickly adapting, becoming more attuned with things in heaven, and I felt that I was losing her to a world I could not go to. Ever since her death, I had felt as if she were in a far away country, one that I couldn't visit her in or speak to her. But I simply had to learn a different way. Instead, I had to rely on my prayers and meditation in the spirit to visit with her.

I have been aware of her activities. She has been "flying" to and fro on earth at times, visiting her friends in the town were she went to school last. They can't see her, but she can see them. She has also continued to visit me, but more so now only upon my deep desire to see and visit with her. She is very busy and preoccupied with her duties in heaven more and more. She smiles sweetly all the time and doesn't seem to miss anyone here at all.

I miss her human presence sometimes, and that's when I ask to visit with her in my prayers—that's when she comes.

Recently she has told me to speak more with Jesus in my prayers, and to focus on serving Him and helping others while I'm here. She tells me she is very busy and that we will be together again anyway. I have found that I now have a confidence and peace that I never had before when talking about God, heaven or His word in the Bible. Heaven is no longer such a far away place to me, but rather a place close in my heart. I speak to my daugther often, not as if she's dead, but as if she's living—just somewhere else. I am also letting her go more and more to do what she needs to, and I am spending more time with Jesus.

Sandy Holte