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Mother's
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When
my 2-year-old daughter was diagnosed with leukemia, my whole world collapsed.
I thought she would die. I spent a lot of time feeling helpless and crying
as much for myself as for her. In my mind, I had already lost her.
Then I read "Embraced"
and was filled with joy at the messages inside. I remember finishing the
book and saying to myself as tears streamed down my face: "I already knew...I
already knew." At that moment my whole life came into focus. I had met parents
in the hospital with children as sick as my own daughter, and they blamed
God. They would say that they used to believe, but now could not. If God
existed, they said, he would not allow our children to suffer. I wanted
so much to share my knowledge, but I could see their hearts were closed
with grief. Every night thereafter I sat next to my daughter as she slept,
and I put my hands on her. I remembered about the Mother's Prayer and I
began to pray. I visualized my prayer like a beam of light going up to heaven
and being answered. I have prayed all my life, but this time I felt something
of myself leave and connect with God. I cannot describe how, but I knew
I had never felt such "communion" in prayer before.
Some time after,
the doctors told me that my daughter had taken a turn for the worse and
would probably die within days. That was the lowest point of my life. I
went home and prayed again. The prayer went something like this: "Dear God,
lift me up. Sustain me. This may be the hardest test I have ever had to
bear. It will rip the heart from my body, it will lay waste to my life.
If I cannot be a Mother I don't know why I am here. Three years ago I prayed
for you to give me a child and I promised you then that if you granted me
the gift of Motherhood, I would teach my child to love you as I do. Don't
take that chance away from me. Beloved, if it is possible, take this chalice
from me. But if it must be, then I want you to know, I love you above all
else in my life. I give to you my daughter as Abraham gave you his sonthe
sacrificial lamb as a test of his love. I open my heart to you. So now you
know that there is nothing in this life that will ever turn me from you.
I can never hate or blame you for this. 'For love is not love when it alteration
finds, but is an ever fixed mark.' SWEET LORD, THY WILL BE DONE..."
Even before I
finished praying, I felt uplifted, and I knew I had been heard. For the
first time in a week, I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.
The very next
day, the doctors told me their diagnosis had been incorrect. My daughter
would live!
She is now 8 years
old.
Some time after,
I had a nightmare about my daughter. It was so bad that I woke myself out
of sleep, crying out. But then I felt someone stroking my hair and "holding"
me saying, "There, there...everything is going to be fine. Go back to sleep."
I felt so loved and comforted, almost as if my own mother was there who
had died the year before. I immediately fell back into a peaceful sleep.
The love of Christ
fills my every pore. I have asked him to let me serve by showing me how
to pass on this love to others that I meet. I await in faith for his answer.
The love of Christ be with you all.
Amanda Watson - England
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