are a few things in my life I hold so dear that
I rarely speak of them. One of these is the
day I was paid the most special visit one could
ever dream of having. It changed me forever,
and I want to share it now with you, so you
will have Hope when all seems lost.
I married my second husband in 1996, and we
had so many wonderful plans for our new lives
together. But we had no clue how hard the first
3 years would be.
I was fighting a bitter custody battle with
my first husband for our daughters, ages 3 and
6. He came to take them for that first summer,
and then at summer's end refused to bring them
back. My life instantly became filled with bitter
tears and tragic pain as my new husband and
I began our fight to get them back.
We moved to Denver to be near where my ex-husband
had my daughters. Our small incomes got us into
a modest apartment where we spent hours working
on the girls bedroom, positive we would get
our custody rights honored. We put in cute bunk
beds and painted flowers on the walls. I wanted
the girls to feel comfortable when they came
to stay the weekends.
We paid for an attorney with help from family
and friends, and when we were able to have the
girls on weekends, we started to feel like things
were going in the right direction. We prayed
so much, and our loved ones prayed for us, too.
Then out of the blue, I was told I could no
longer have the girls on weekends. I knew this
was their fathers way of getting back at me
for getting an attorney. Needless to say, we
were devastated. I cried every day and night.
I cried at work. I was a mess. I felt so grieved
and helpless that I had thoughts of killing
myself. I had lost my babies! And with the slow
court process, it could be years before I could
see them again. We had tried so hard, come all
this way just so they would know I was here
for them. But it was over for me. This man had
tortured me for too long with our children,
using them as pawns to hurt me, and I was through
with this pain.
One night my husband said, "Leena, if you don't
calm down, you are going to kill yourself with
this stress." That is exactly what I wanted
One night he went with friends to a ball game,
and I was left alone with my tortured thoughts,
until I could take no more. I got down on the
floor and prayed like I had never prayed before.
The emotion I felt in my soul made me know that
mothering my girls was the most important thing
in the world to me. I begged God to bring them
back to me.
I prayed, and cried and prayed, until I fell
asleep right there on the floor in my tears.
My husband found me there when he came home
and asked if I had been drinking. I told him
I had fallen asleep praying, and he looked at
me as if I were crazy.
Weeks passed and now Christmas was approaching.
I had not seen my girls in months. However,
I found that with every Christmas song I played
and for every batch of cookies I baked, my spirits
were renewed bit by bit. We got a Christmas
tree, decorated it, and before I knew it, the
Christmas Spirit was upon me. I continued praying,
adding my special pleas that my ex-husband would
consent to let me share Christmas with my girls.
In faith and hope, I had managed to shop for
Christmas gifts, which I wrapped lovingly for
my girls and put under the tree.
Everything was in order, and soon it was the
day before Christmas Eve. My husband had to
work that day, and I was home. This is the day
when my life changed in a way I can't even now
understand. Here is what happened.
I was standing in front of my dining room table
holding a plate of sugar cookies. It was snowing
outside, and I was listening to Amy Grant sing
"Breath Of Heaven." I looked out the window,
thinking about how I missed my girls and then
also how I would love to have a child with my
new husband. How a new little life might help
us both in this painful situation. That perhaps
somehow we could lavish our love on a new baby,
letting go of our pain and giving everything
fully over to God. Only a week earlier, we had
decided to try to have a child.
As soon as I thought about having a baby, I
saw a golden light appear to my right. I looked
and saw a woman enveloped in the light. She
wore a white dress or robe like women wore in
Jesus's day. A veil covered her head but I could
see her face. She had a beautiful warm face
with dark features and long flowing dark hair.
She smiled at me as she came near. I thought,
"Why am I not afraid?" But I truly felt no fear.
Then something happened which I understand in
my own head but cannot find words to explain.
She began swirling somehow around my body, going
around and around from top to bottom. As she
did so, she told me in a telepathic way that
she loved me. Over and over again she communicated
this and the light that radiated from her grew
stronger and brighter. The love I felt, and
the peace I felt, was so strong I thought I
could not stand it and would pass out.
this was happening to me, my very thoughts were
heard and responded to. In the instant I had
a thought, an answer would come from her. When
my thoughts turned to my girls, she said, "It
will be okay. Trust in God."
thought of my mistakes and sins of my past,
and she said, "Do not worry. It will all be
okay. You will be fine, I promise."
I asked if I would have a baby, and instantly
she laughed gleefully and said, "YES, YOU WILL
HAVE A BABY BOY!" Then I felt a huge burst of
love from her. "I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE
YOU," she said. "STOP WORRYING. EVERYTHING WILL
BE FINE...AND DON'T FORGET I LOVE YOU!"
Then, like it had never happened, she was gone.
I dropped the plate of cookies and ran over
to the spot where she had first appeared. I
begged her to come back, feeling an awful ache
of loss in my heart. I fell to the floor and
cried. I cried for nearly an hour before I grew
quiet and sat thinking about what had happened.
It would be a long time before I shared this
with anyone, including my husband.
On Christmas, I was allowed to bring my girls
home for the day. We had a wonderful time. The
whole day was so special and happy and loving.
Nine months later, Oliver Watson, our son, was
born. I am thankful for him in so many ways.
He saved me from myself, and though he has Autism,
I know God has never made a more angelic child.
Joy of joys, my daughters came back to me that
very same year. Their father saw how happy I
was and knew he could no longer hurt me. That
summer he dropped them off on my door in defeat.
As in every life, I have suffered some losses
since these events, and have made mistakes,
but I know with all my heart that God loves
me. And I know without a doubt that my "Christmas
Angel" loves me VERY MUCH, whoever she is. She
came to tell me so, one winter day. And I know
I will see her again when God brings me Home.
This time, it will be ME who will surround HER
with Endless Love!
There is so much we don't know in this life.
But I do know just a tiny piece of this mystery,
and to be given a gift such as this, a blessing
beyond all else, is to know the depth and breadth
of unimaginable, yet none-the-less very REAL
LOVE. Mother to Child. Heaven to Earth.
Bless us all, Every One.
Leena Watson Denver, CO