I wrote about this on here before, about that experience I had with that huge shooting star that fell and some kind of electricity or love, whatever it wuz fell when I prayed with a friend of myne. I dont get it, I still dont get it.
When that experience with the shooting star happened, I remember I had just gotten Betty's Embraced by the Light book and it wuz sitting right beside me when I had that experience happen. Also, Titanic had just come out and it was being previewd on tv. I remember the song " My heart will go on " kept mplaying on Tv too. I think I might have missed all the sighns and those were them, to read Bettys book and watch the movie. What was happening to me at that time when I was praying with my friend and that shooting star fell, I was stuck in a really bad situation and was looking for a way out and my friend who believes in Jesus was trying to tell me about him and suggested we pray and thats when that miracle happened, but I think I might have missed the msg, maybe. The reason I think that the movie Titanic has something to do with it is because that girl Rose and I were similar and maybe God wanted me to watch the movie as a guide to what I should have done because I had no idea to where i should go or do, im not saying that this is so, im saying maybe. She was also 17 in the movie as I was in real life. I come from a rich family kind of like Rose and all that fakeness Rose experienced in her life so did I. It was all fake and toxic, money came before l;ove, lots of curruption, lies, abuse, negativity, just like Rose was experiencing. to make that all worse my mother was an actress and a model, she was also Miss world photogenic and more but im not going to mention more. She gave me a really unique name and I think that maybe God wanted me to change my name for safety just like Rose did in the movie when she had to ran away from her family. Maybe he wanted me to runaway and start a new life. I dont think I got it at the time and If thats true im scared that it might be too late. It's been 10 years since that experience, what now? Im stuck the same way if not worse then when I was 17. To make it worse, I gave up after that experience, maybe cuz I didnt get it, I was frusterated with God then because I wasnt understanding what he wanted me to do. I remember kind of like saying goodbye to God or whatever that was, kind of like I wasnt worth it, I dont know what to do.A I did this voodo to fall and that I did, hard. Somebody told me when you leave God or give up, youre giving yourself to demons. My fam,ilys no good thu, really no good, theres a lot of gangsters and just a lot of negativity behind all of that celebrity and fake "everythings perfect" image of my family. Now what, somebody told me that I choose the way of a curse and that I feel. Is it too late because Betty talks about the crucialness when God gets involved? Is it too late? IS he never going to be able to help me now because I choose the wrong way even after he came to me? Now I know that God showing anything to us is not a game or a joke and I think that I didnt take him seriously back then and maybe im paying for it now? But even then, I was alone, its not eazy to put all of that together. On top of everything else I didnt know anything about life, cookin, cleaning, nothing, I wasnt even in my own country and had no friends or family cuz I ran away, and I was all screwed up from all the hell my family put me through. What was I soppose to do. Afterwards I went into stripping thinking that was the only way I could make money, support myself, take care of myself and that maybe God would understand. That only made me worse and introdused me to more lost and negative people, drugs and destruction,deppression . Almost pure hell followed. I was weak to begin with and I went into that stupidness because I didnt understand what God wanted from me, I had no patience, I was empty, confused. Its really scary. I guess you could tell maybe even from my writing, im all over the place.
I met Betty years ago and I remember asking her about my experience and she said it meant some kind of success, but I dont know if that success meant for the future or that when I was 17, when the star fell I reached a destination for God to give me a sighn and direction and thats why the shooting star fell. I think that I didnt listen to my heart and maybe thats why I missed all the signs, maybe a part of me wanted to try the wild life, go my own way, but I didnt know that the voodo I did would come true, it really did and now Im buried in problems.Why would God alow it to come true? Hell on earth I swear. It's really too bad if what Im saying about when I was 17 about that experience, the signs were true and I missed them and failed.
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