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Right now, all I have is my falling apart apartment in some bad neighbourhood, Im on welfeare because I cant fuction, I dont even have money for clothes.Im not as pretty as I was, I have no friends or family, support. Im going to court for something I did out of self-defence and that voodo that I did when I was 17 to see the future and fall is so real. Im paranoid from it, sometimes so much im afraid to leave my house. It's like im hunted all the way around. I swear I never thought that the voodo I did would come true thu, its a nightmeare and I dont know if I'll ever come out. My faith is weak and I feel like I might die soon. I had this dream this ugly duclking was walking down the street and it had a drop of light coming out of its chest, then out of nowhere that light burned out and the ugly duckling fell face down to the street, I think maybe it died and Im scared that that was me in my dream. Who wants to die like that, it's embarassing too.I have a lot of nightmeares, Im exosted. How do you get out of something like this, its impossible, maybe I wont and thats what im scared of. I wrote on here about another dream I had a long time ago about being attracted to a naked female who when I got close to her turned into the uglies demon who was super powerfull and I couldnt move and a baby dear saved me from her, but what if that happens after I die? Betty talks about demons so obviously theres hell. What if I die and go to hell and then this dream comes true there. Man look what I have to look forward to. This dream with the babydear was really powerful and I dont think you dream something so intence for nothing. I dreamt it when I was 18, 19, Also, my dreams come true. Almost everything I dreamt when I was a child came true and still is. This is too much. Why would God put all this pressure on me from when I was a child. My whole life was a nightmeare, full of loss and destruction. I never had anybody even thu I had my family and as many and successfull as they were they never loved me or taught me anything but did only the opposite. All my mother worried about was if I was going to be better than her. On top of all this, why would God make me super intuitive and smart, so I could absorb that hell better, thats why Im angry with him too. What does he except from me? I think thats why when I had that experience with the star I gave up maybe even on purpose. This is too much.
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