THE PEACE OF GOD
Today I drove myself down to Santa Fe for my brain MRI and a full body and head Petscan. I sang along to bluegrass gospel music on the way down, and back. 5 hours alone in the car, and 3 hours alone in the machines.
I don't really know what the test will show, and I won't hear anything until next week. I CAN tell you that I have complete trust in the Lord. What freedom that is! I know that my "number of days" is up to the Lord,and I also know He will watch over me and keep His promise of 2003 to let me see my kids grown. That is coming in the near future. Dylan is soon to be 21, Taylor is 18, and Gus will be 15 next month.
I just want to share with you all, because we ALL have battles to face, that it is possible to live your life, and even face your death with great peace and even joy!
God didn't make me sick. It's my own doing. I didn't take good care of myself when I was younger. There are spiritual laws and physical laws that God designed, and He gave us instructions on how to live our lives in the Bible. I just didn't look, and lived like I was 10-foot high and bullet proof. I DO know that God has extended my life by at least 5 years, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The doctor told me that October 2003 that would be the last Thanksgiving I would probably see. My boys would have been 9, 13 and 15 then. And Hey! I'm still here!
I asked the Lord to use me, and use me He has. I feel so honored. I could look at the negative: brain tumor, blind eye, reflex dystrophy in my left hand, a back that hurts all the time. But instead, look at how God has spared me from what I allowed to happen to myself (by letting the Enemy into my life then - no concern for my health or my spiritual well being.) If God and Jesus didn't do one single thing to rescue me from my illness, it would still be enough that He died for me, and I have the hopes of a wonderful life in eternity, where the circle will indeed be unbroken. But even more than that, He spared me in other ways: I still have one good eye - my dominant one). I can still write and type on good days. I have learned to pray over my children, my friends, my family, and my enemies, every single night. I believe Father above when He said to me, "I love your children even more than YOU do. You must trust me that I will take care of them". Wow....the most powerful comfort I could possibly get.
The last few nights, and much time today, I've been writing in my mind,the letters I need to write. The thank you's I need to say. The forgiveness I need to ask for. The encouragement to my children and my mother
about my faith in God.
Please know I haven't given up by any means! But I wanted t share with you the peace in my mind and heart as I await the news.
I honestly feel joy. Whether the Lord takes me home in a few months, or whether He sustains my bdy and mind t live many, many more years, they will truly be the happiest days of my life. For I have learned what it is to trust the Lord with my children, and with my own life. I know the Lord will take me home when this old body gives out and when my children are old enough to cope. Till then - it's ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIER! (smile here)
And I go to bed every night thinking about the funny things the kids and I have been through, or the funny things that we've done and said. I often laugh and say "I can't keep a man, but I sure have some great kids!) Now I discover the True Love of My Life: Jesus Christ. Truly, Life is precious.
With great Hope and Love,
Rose
Written May 8, 2008
|
|