It was early April 1990 when I had found myself alone
and newly divorced from my high school sweetheart after nearly 18 years
of marriage. She and I had three beautiful kids. The marriage had ended
due to my own self-centered lifestyle, running around, drinking and drugging.
On this one particular night I came home half drunk feeling very sorry for
myself and sobbing about my situation. I got to my knees in the middle of
the living room and asked God for help and then went to bed.
A couple of days
later I was lying on the couch watching television in the late
morning, hung over from the night before, sort of drifting in
and out of sleep. Suddenly there was this man kneeling right
next to me as I lay there on the couch. I can still see him in
my mind. Although he was kneeling I could tell he was not a big
person. He was wearing a white robe draped over his shoulder
like a toga in Roman times. He had brown eyes, white hair and
beard that was rather close cropped with a little sprinkle of
salt and pepper. He was looking away from me to my right. I was
thinking what the heck is going on, when this man turns to me
and says, "You have to take me in." He then blew into my face,
and as he did, I inhaled a sort of slip stream of mist going
from his mouth into mine. I felt the sensation of butterflies
in my stomach such as you would feel on a roller coaster, and
I became afraid. I thought, Oh, I've taken enough. Just then
the man was gone, and there I was looking at the ceiling with
my heart racing. The whole thing couldn't have lasted more than
10 or 15 seconds.
I got up quickly
and looked around the house, trying to convince myself that what
just happened had been a weird dream of some sort. Later I described
it to one of my drinking buddies (over cocktails, of course).
He simply said, "Man, that sounds weird."
About 2 weeks later
I found myself sitting in the back of a county sheriffs car on
my way to jail with another drunk diving charge. The next morning
when I was bailed out of jail I thought for the first time that
I really needed to do something about this miserable life I had
been living. Look what it was costing me, what I had lost. It
was that very evening that I attended my first AA meeting and
realized that I was an alcoholic and that unless I changed my
life I was going to die a miserable drunk.
From that day to
this, I have not had a drink or drugs, and it's been close to
14 years. I have a fabulous life and am married to the love of
my life. We have a great relationship with my 3 children and
her 2 boys. It is in recovery that I have found spirituality
and discovered the loving God that answered my prayer of desperation
that drunken night in 1990.
A couple of years
into my recovery, while pursuing my spiritual journey, I was
reading the Bible and nearly fell out of my chair when I ran
across a passage from the Gospel of John. It is where the disciples
of Jesus are hiding from fear of reprisals after His crucifixion
and suddenly Jesus appears (John 20 : 21-22). "Again
Jesus said, 'Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending
you.' And with that he breathed on them and said, 'Receive the Holy Spirit.'"
To this day I am not a religious person rejecting much of the
dogma that was preached to me in my youth. I do however pray
to our Heavenly Father daily and enjoy a wonderful relationship
with Him that I never knew existed. All things are become new