I am about to share happened when I was 15. My parents had divorced, and
it was very difficult for me being "between" them. My mother
and father have totally opposite views about religion, and I can't even
say I was raised Christian because they couldn't decide if we were Christians
or not. During this time of the divorce, I had moved back and forth between
the two of them, feeling like a boat lost at sea.
I had been attending
church with a girl across the street, and her family was diligently
"save" me. One day I came home from church and had a "dicussion" with
my father about whether he believed in God and Jesus or not. This conversation
ended abruptly because he didn't want to push his ideas onto me. He feared
my mother would retaliate and say he was pitting me against her. Needless
to say, I was very confused. So I went to my room and prayed fervently
that God would help me understand what to do and what to believe. I was
very scared of this "God" person, not knowing much about him. I didn't
know how he would react to me asking him to help me. I prayed until I
couldn't pray another word, and, crying, I fell into a deep sleep.
Suddenly, BAM! I
woke up on my bed, though I knew I was actually still sleeping
and was experiencing some sort of dream or vision. I opened my
window in my room and saw a vast desertous mountain region outside.
I climbed through the window and proceeded to walk, though I
had no particular destination in mind. It was very dark and I
felt that there were other people with me in this darkness. I
had the most frightening feeling I have ever felt, even to this
day. I felt that I was in the depths of despair and as if every
bad feeling in the whole world was right there with me. I wanted
to turn and run back, but I didn't.
I heard a noise like thunder, and I looked up and saw millions of beings
in the air. These beings were white and bright and seemed to be floating.
I didn't know who they were. I just know I felt extremely frightened.
I fell to my knees and started to wail out for somebody to help me. To
my right, there was a male personage also on his knees. Then I forced
myself to look up at the beings, and when I did, I heard the most beautiful
voices I have heard. These beings were all singing the most magnificent
music and words. I did not comprehend their song, but I knew they were
waiting for something.
Then I saw this white
light, brighter than anything you can describe. And at that very
moment HE appeared, and the bad feelings left me and were replaced
with the most joyful, estatic feelings of LOVE! I have never
felt this feeling before. I felt safe, I felt secure, I felt
completely elated. What was this feeling? I was dumbstruck and
in awe. This being, this MAN, who was HE? HE had a face, but
I couldn't make it out. All I know is when HE arrived, I had
tunnel vision. I could only focus on HIM. Then, HE spoke to me.
I will never forget what HE said to me, little old me who had
never given HIM the time of day. HE said, "My child, thou shall not fear me, for I will love you
always." And as soon as that was said, I woke up!
I was so mad! Who
woke me up? I wanted to go back to sleep, to let HIM finish talking
to me. I literally pinched my arm over and over until I was bruised.
Was this real? Was this
"just" a dream? I don't know, I still don't know. After that day, I can't
really say things changed. I have always been confused with religion.
I have struggled many years trying to figure out just "who" is God? I
have been married and divorced 2 times and I am raising 3 children. I
struggle in my day to day life like everybody else. But I will always
remember this experience which led me to realize that there is a greater
power out there. And most of all, I'm not afraid of HIM, because HE is
full of Love and I am blessed to have experienced first hand how unconditional
love feels. I hope we can all learn to love like that. Love that feels
that good would end all that is bad in this world and make us a better
race of people. I thank you for listening to my story. I hope it might
help somebody, anybody who is struggling like me.