The summer before my senior year in high school,
I prayed for God to take away my negativity and to fill me with His love.
He did, and for the next few years I enjoyed a close tie to Him. I prayed
for His will to be done, and I always felt He heard me. I never doubted
Him until, when I was twenty, I got the surprise of my life.
One night I took a
pregnancy test with the urging of my boyfriend, and it came out
positive! This was definitely not plannedat least from
my earthly perspective. My boyfriend wanted me to have an abortion,
but I was reluctant because I had given the course of my life
over to God's will. Surely I'd be going against it, I thought,
if I aborted the fetus. But still I was unsure. I suddenly felt
all alone and very confused.
As I had always done,
I turned to God in prayer. I prayed for several nights, but still
I felt alone, unheard and forgotten. One night I prayed with
every ounce of my being. Why had He not answered me? Had my prayers
gone unnoticed? Why was He leaving me all alone and so confused?
I pleaded for a sign, for a feeling that my cries were at least
being heard. But no feeling came, and late into the night I felt
myself giving up. I concluded that God was not there for me.
My final thought to Him that night was "Did you forget me?" Then
I cried myself to sleep.
Sometime in the night
a marvelous dream came to me. In my dream, I was walking along
a pathway through rolling hills of grass which stretched out
on both sides of me. The path led to a building in the distance.
Walking in front of me along this path were two young men. They
were pushing a roll-cart ahead of them. I looked to see what
was inside, and saw it was filled with infant clothes. Then I
felt someone approaching from behind, though I didn't turn to
look, and I heard a deep soothing male voice that echoed within
my heart. The voice said,
"Did you think I would forget you?" And then the person passed
me from behind. It was man, dark-skinned, dark hair, and dark
kind eyes. As he walked on ahead of me, he looked back at me
over his right shoulder and flashed a loving smile at me, and
then he disappeared.
Instantly, I woke up and knew
that God had not forgotten me and that this pregnancy had been planned for
my life from the beginning. All confusion and doubt were gone now, and I
was filled with peace and assurance.
In faith, I went against my boyfriend's
wishes and continued the pregnancy. We had a daughter, and my boyfriend
is so grateful we had her! We both love her very much. Now she is two years
old, and she and I have a very close relationship. I have come to remember
her spirit from before, and she is exactly how I knew she would be. Nothing
she does surprises me!
My prayers for guidance and the
beautiful dream that came in answer gave me the strength to continue the
pregnancy in faith. Now I never question if I am forgotten because I know
that I am truly never forgotten and am very loved by the Creator. I have
shared my dream with many people. They always get goose bumps when I tell
it, and I always have tears of gratitude and humility.
Children are the greatest
gifts given to people. I never thought I could love so deeply,
completely and unconditionally. I am truly grateful for my "unplanned" pregnancy
which has matured me beyond a point I thought possible at my
age. But I am more grateful for a loving God who I know I can
trust completely with my life. I hope this story will help someone
to know that God truly never, ever forgets us!