He's With Me
Two and a half years ago, my 16 year-old son
committed suicide. What haunted me the most about it was wondering where
his soul was. This was especially true because two months before, I had
asked Ross if he believed in God, and he had replied, "I don't know."
Worried about his soul, about
two weeks after his death, I prayed for God to show me how Ross was. That
very same night, right after I went to sleep, I had the most vivid dreamwhich
didn't seem dreamlike at all. In the dream, I was in the house, preparing
a meal, and Rossa few years younger than when he'd diedcame
in the side door. Even in my dream, I knew he was dead, and I exclaimed
very excitedly, "Ross!!! I asked God to let me have a dream about you, but
I didn't know God would let you come in person!" Even in my dream, I was
very surprised about that. Ross was so normal looking, wearing regular playclothes.
We chatted a while, but I can't remember that part, and then I said to him,
"Did you get in trouble for killing yourself?"
I will never forget how steadily
he met my gaze and said simply, "Some things are supposed to happen." When
he said this, I was very aware that he and God knew the reason, though it
was not to be revealed to me. But I remember being very comforted by that
thought, and joyous that Ross was doing just fine.
As a result of his death, his
father, who had no belief in the afterlife, came to accept Christ as his
savior. And every time for a long time after when I would go back to worrying
about Ross, I could hear the silent, lovely voice of Christ saying, "He's
I wanted to share this experience
because I know so many people are suffering because someone they love has
committed suicide. God has shown me that, normally, people have a fear of
committing suicide and should never let themselves even think about it.
But in some cases, there is actually a divine purpose behind it which is
greater than the act itself. God's mercy is so great, His love so perfect,
that we can trust Him even with the souls of those who seem to have come
to a tragic end.