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He's With Me

Two and a half years ago, my 16 year-old son committed suicide. What haunted me the most about it was wondering where his soul was. This was especially true because two months before, I had asked Ross if he believed in God, and he had replied, "I don't know."
Worried about his soul, about two weeks after his death, I prayed for God to show me how Ross was. That very same night, right after I went to sleep, I had the most vivid dream—which didn't seem dreamlike at all. In the dream, I was in the house, preparing a meal, and Ross—a few years younger than when he'd died—came in the side door. Even in my dream, I knew he was dead, and I exclaimed very excitedly, "Ross!!! I asked God to let me have a dream about you, but I didn't know God would let you come in person!" Even in my dream, I was very surprised about that. Ross was so normal looking, wearing regular playclothes. We chatted a while, but I can't remember that part, and then I said to him, "Did you get in trouble for killing yourself?"
I will never forget how steadily he met my gaze and said simply, "Some things are supposed to happen." When he said this, I was very aware that he and God knew the reason, though it was not to be revealed to me. But I remember being very comforted by that thought, and joyous that Ross was doing just fine.
As a result of his death, his father, who had no belief in the afterlife, came to accept Christ as his savior. And every time for a long time after when I would go back to worrying about Ross, I could hear the silent, lovely voice of Christ saying, "He's with ME."
I wanted to share this experience because I know so many people are suffering because someone they love has committed suicide. God has shown me that, normally, people have a fear of committing suicide and should never let themselves even think about it. But in some cases, there is actually a divine purpose behind it which is greater than the act itself. God's mercy is so great, His love so perfect, that we can trust Him even with the souls of those who seem to have come to a tragic end.

Peggy C.



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