The first premonition came in late
April, 1999, when I was 8 months plus a few days pregnant with
Cody. It had been a very normal pregnancy, all my checkups had
been fine. This particular morning, like every other morning,
I got up around 8 AM, showered, and got dressed. Then, as I was
walking into the kitchen, I had an experience that I am almost
incapable of describing. An impression came to me so strongly
that I started to cry. It was an overwhelming feeling, a "sixth sense," so
to speak. I immediately picked up the phone to tell my mother
what I was feeling.
"Hello," she answered, and by
then I was crying uncontrollably. She asked, "Whatís wrong, baby?"
"Momma,...I donít think
God is going to let me keep this baby."
"Oh honey, donít say that!" she
"I canít help it, Momma.
I just feel that way."
She tried to make me
feel better, saying that I was only scaring myself over childbirth
which was only a few weeks away. I did stop crying eventually,
although from that morning on, the feeling that we would lose
Cody never left me.
On May 10, mild contractions
began around 11:30 PM, and I was awake on and off all night.
The next morning Randy and I went to the doctor's and they told
me to go back home for a while. I was barely dilated. So we went
home, packed my suitcase, and made phone calls to family and
friends. Then we waited.
This was my first pregnancy,
and I really didn't know what to expect or how long the birth
process would take. So, when I started having more pain, we went
right to the hospital, feeling it was better to be safe than
sorry. As it turned it out, I was very slow dilating, and it
wasn't until the next day, May 12, that our precious son, Randall
Cody Griffin, was born. I have to admit, even as I was pushing
him out of my body, I honestly expected the doctor to deliver
him and then say, "Iím sorry..." My feelings were just so strong about it. But when he
was born alive, I was so happy! I had given birth to a wonderful baby boy7
pounds,14 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long. I was grateful to know
that I had been wrong, and I silently thanked God.
We had so many visitors
over the next two days that I was more than ready to get home
with my new family and get some rest! My mother came to help
out, and of course every little noise Cody made, we were all
wide-eyed. Our "hearing" had increased.
The next morning, me
and Momma were standing over Codyís bassinet, admiring how beautiful he was, and once
again I experienced the "feeling" that I would not be keeping my child.
I immediately broke into tears. "Momma," I cried, "Godís not going
to let me keep him." I had never felt more certain of anything in my life.
I knew our time with Cody would be short. But of course I wasn't willing
to accept it. What I would eventually come to know as Godís loving
preparation, I tried my best to ignore over the coming days and
When the time came
for me to return to work, I was very cautious about who would
care for Cody. I wanted someone close to my work so that I could
get to him quickly in case something happened. And I was insistent
that the person know CPR. I returned to workreluctantlyon
July 12. I hated leaving Cody, but I had found the perfect sitter.
Not only did she know CPR, but she had a loving nature, was wonderful
with children, and lived only 2 blocks away from my job.
I continued to purposely
ignore my feelings of things to come. I told a friend who had
lost a child that I would absolutely die if something were to
happen to Cody. Even as I said it, I thought of those "feelings," but
I pushed them away. I had not told Randy about my premonitions,
and as I watched him loving and playing with Cody, I would feel
so sad. Randy loved Cody with all his heart, as I did, and I
knew we would never see our son grow up. I knew it would break
Randy's heart when the time came.
When my last "warning" came, I
did not even tell my mother. I thought I was really losing my mind this
time, and I did not want to worry her. Every afternoon after work was my
"quality time" with Cody. He and I would sit in the recliner and
play "ride the bicycle" and another game I called "booden, booden, Poop,"
which he always loved. I would flip his bottom lip down twice with my finger
and say, "booden, booden." Then I would tap his nose and in a
high voice say, "Poop!" This always made him laugh. It was during
this game one afternoon that, after the "Poop," his smile turned
into a most serious look, and his eyes changed, suddenly appearing like
those of a wise old person. Cody was just 3 months old and could not speak,
but he looked deep into my eyes as if to say, "Momma,...Iím not going to
be here much longer." I gazed back into his eyes as if to say, "I know..."
And then suddenly I became frightened. I had to get up, sit him
in the recliner, and walk away. I went to the kitchen, trembling
and thinking, Whatís
wrong with me? Am I losing my mind? Why do I keep feeling this
I didn't know how or why it would happen but I knew Cody would
be leaving us.
A week later, on August
17, I received a call at work from the sitter. Something had
happened. Later we found ourselves at the hospital, and Cody
was on life support. And the next day, our baby died. It was
from SIDSSudden Infant Death Syndrome.
The life support was removed, the doctor checked his heartbeat one last
time, and then he said it was over. Still holding Cody in my arms, I looked
up at my mother and in a tear-choked voice said, "I told you...." Then,
though I had known this would come, complete shock and overwhelming
devastation and grief fell hard on me.
The night of Codyís funeral, I
was awakened by something in the night. I looked at my sleeping husband,
and in disbelief I saw my Cody sitting on his back. He wore the same outfit
he had worn the day he died, and he held his arms up as if to balance himself.
I know he was letting me know he was all right. I hit my husband to wake
him up, and Cody just dissolved into thin air. "Randy!" I said,
"I just saw Cody!" (Little did I know, about the same time
this happened, the rest of my family was at the nursing home
where my paternal grandmother, Mae T. Dollar, had just passed
away. All of this happened on my father's 65th birthday.)
After that night I
asked God many times to let me see Cody again. One day, driving
home from work, I told God that if he would allow me to see Cody
just one more time, or show me some other unmistakable sign,
I would never ask again. Minutes later, as I was driving into
our driveway, I noticed something on the roof of the house. I
parked and got out. It was a huge hawk! He flew in front of my
car and landed in a tree in our front yard. I walked closer to
him, and he turned to look at me, then flew off. Never before
had that happened to us, and it hasn't happened since. I knew
God had given me what I asked for. And I have kept my promise
and have never asked to see Cody again.
I know my baby lives
with God and that he is all right. I tried to ignore my premonitions
at the time because I didn't really understand where they were
coming from. But now I know that they were from God and the Holy
Spirit (Proverbs 16:1) and were meant to prepare me. Remembering
them now gives me comfort and strength. They show me that Cody's
leaving us was not an accident. I'm so grateful to know that
hethat all of usare in God's loving and knowing
I now support the
SIDS Alliance, but I will always believe that SIDS is nothing
more than the will of God. Babies donít just die without a reason.
SIDS babies show no signs of suffering, and doctors cannot find
ANYTHING medically wrong with them in an autopsy that would cause
their deaths. It is as if God himself, reaches in, takes their
souls, and leaves their bodies to die....
As if it is "meant to
What happened to me was real.
God did prepare us to lose our son, Cody. The experiences
I had absolutely came from Jesus Christ, through the Holy
Spirit. I know it beyond doubt. When people ask how I know
it, I say that God knew my heart, and He knew that I would
need this preparation. He knew beforehand that Cody would
not stay with us. Jeremiah 1:5 supports this: "Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before
thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified theeÖ" The
Lord knows all of our needs even before we do. I also believe,
with all my heart, that anyone who has a premonition of SIDS
can pray about it, ask God to let them keep their baby if
it is His will. I believe in the possibility to change things
through faith and prayer. But we must always believe that
whatever happens, God has a reason. We must trust Him.
I trusted Him,
and my story didn't end with Cody's death. Just a few months
after, one night in November of 1999, when I went to sleep,
I had a dream. I could see myself in this dream, and it was
like a voice spoke to me and said, "You will have another child.
It will be a girl, and God will let you keep her." That was
the dream. When I woke up, I told my husband, Randy, about
it. At the time, I thought it was a strange dream, but it
was so clear and vivid. I never forgot it. But I was still
engulfed in grief over losing Cody, and just didn't give
the dream much thought afterwards.
One year later,
also in November (2000), I had a second dream. Randy had
gone out of town on a hunting trip, and I was alone and "something" told me to pray about having another child.
It had been one year and 3 months since we had lost Cody, and we were healing,
but were very lonely inside. So before dinner, I sat down and prayed to
God, and I said, "Lord, if it is in your will to send us another child,
then send me a sign of some kind to let me know. In Jesus name, I pray,
Amen." That very night, I dreamed I was in the hospital,
and the doctors were handing me a baby, but I wouldn't let
them tell me what it was. I unwrapped the blanket and saw
it was a girl, and I burst into laughter, because at that
moment, in the dream, I realized that it was God, who had
sent me the first dream, and I knew I would be keeping this
When I woke up
the next morning, I thought, "Wow, I asked for it, I got it!" Randy called before
I left for work, and I told him of this dream. He said he felt it was a
sign from God. I couldn't help but believe the same. A few days later, though,
doubt crept into my mind, and I thought that maybe these had been just dreams
instead of signs. But I still could not stop thinking about them. Days later,
I started to look in the Bible and see if God would give this kind of information
through dreams and such. I found in several places (Matthew 1 & 2,
and 1Kings 3 are great examples) that He did, or an angel
of the Lord did come to people in dreams. I started thinking
my dreams were really Him speaking to me once again.
I told Randy
I was going to ask for just one more sign, and if I got it,
then we would begin trying to have another child. So once
again, I prayed about it. A few days later, I had a third
dream. In this dream, I dreamed my cousin Beth and a woman
I did not know were talking, and I walked up to join the
conversation. The woman turned and looked at me, turned back
to Beth, and said excitedly, "She's
going to have a baby girl!" The next day, I told Randy of the dream, and
I said "Ok, that's it!" I could not dismiss the fact that
God had given me three preparations for losing Cody, and
now I had three dreams about a future child. I knew we had
to try. I gave testimony at my church (Randy and I both were
baptized after we lost Cody) in December of 2000 that I believed
God had come to me in these dreams, and I knew He would send
us another child.
Another thing happened
in December. We did not put a Christmas tree up in 1999, but
decided to in 2000. I had started collecting angel figurines,
and I had one that was transparent, perfect for the top of our
tree. I put the lights on the tree, and put the angel on top,
and placed the first light on the string underneath the angel,
so when I lit the tree, the angel would light up also. I lit
the tree, and I gasped at the angel. She was pink. I told Randy,
this had to be another sign.
A year later, November
seemed to have some significance, because on November 1st, 2001,
I found out I was pregnant with our second child. I knew immediately
in my heart this was the little girl God had promised me in my
dreams. I told everyone I knew about my dreams prior to the ultrasound
I had performed on January 23, 2002. I was 17 weeks pregnant.
Our little girl, Emily Faith Griffin will be born sometime around
July 5, 2002. I know just what my first dream confirmed, that
God will let us keep her. I got up at my church, the same night
of my ultrasound, and gave testimony that God had kept his promise.
I don't know why God blessed me the way He has, but I do know
one thing. You can trust your dreams, because they do come true.
Sandy Dollar Griffin