My Stillborn Daughter The Sweetest Love I’ve Ever Felt
It was June 10, 1996 and my wife approached me in tears. She had just concluded a phone call with the hospital lab. It seems that we were very unexpectedly going to have a baby. I too was disappointed, after all, I was 36 years old with 3 daughters, the youngest being age 5. I thought I was too old to be a new father. But as time went on, we began to prepare our baby supplies.
In the early morning hours of August 31, nearly three months later, my wife awoke with pains and cramping. This progressed into signs that our baby was arriving very quickly. I rushed to the phone to contact the doctor, but this took a very long time due to some confusion about which doctor was on call. When the doctor finally came on line, he said, "19 weeks is too soon for the baby to survive. Things like this happen all the time. Bring the remains for me to examine in the morning."
By the time I got off the phone, the baby was already here. My wife needed to look after herself and was in another room. I was alone, holding this tiny baby. I don't know if she was stillborn or died at birth. As I examined this beautiful little child, I became aware that there was someone standing beside me. It was much like the feeling you have when someone is standing too near, and is in your "personal space." I looked around me, but saw no one. Then I “felt” a voice. I did not “hear” the voice with my ears, rather I felt a distinct communication in my heart that conveyed a message more clearly than any spoken language.
"I love you, and I'm sad I cannot stay. Won't you please remember me?" was all that was said. I was indeed the recipient of the sweetest, most powerful feeling of love I have ever experienced! Some people say their lives pass before their eyes while near death. What I felt for my daughter was in reverse. It was as though I knew who this person, my daughter was, and that which she could have become had she lived.
This was not mere “remains,” as the doctor so coldly pronounced; this was an emblem of my daughter. I grieved for the loss of this baby for 5 years. In 2002, we were blessed with the arrival of a daughter who was born healthy, and she was welcomed into our home with open arms and loving hearts. My religious beliefs tell me that one day in the next life, I may be reunited with my little one.